I guess I did notice your changes along the way. I noticed how you’d dress differently, talk differently, react differently and go astray from the person you showed me to be. I noticed how you’d look at me differenly and I noticed how we’d no longer see each other and in my time, in the time we’d share, others had taken my place.
I guess I saw what you did but refused to see the changes in myself. I had pride. I did not want to admit I had changed as well. I wanted to find all the faults in you and find perfection in myself.
Nights after nights I’d stay awake trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong. My pride kept me up thinking it was you who’d messed up when I’ve come to see that I changed too. I was no longer myself and you reacted to it the only way you could.
I pass you by and because of pride I no longer speak to you. I guess you do the same. Now we are strangers that used to have intertwined fates and I’ve lost you to my pride as you have lost me to yours."
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn…
With every goodbye you learn."
When he used to sit beside me and smile, when he came close, laughed and talked about the things he loved, his eyes would become mirrors of the things he spoke and all of his excitements. His words would swirl and become galaxies, universes, places, invented memories and our endless adventures I’d repay with a smile.
Things were different then. I know things have changed and our unspoken words of the end fill the air when we’re around each other. They remain unspoken even today when all I wish is speak, scream and tell you all I ever hid. But it’s too late now, and when I look at your eyes I no longer see the pools of excitement, all they ever mirror now is how estranged we’ve become.
I catch glimpses of the way you used to see things when you talk to her. I guess I do well in not telling you how I feel because when I do, I wish those words to be your own.
Clearly, it’s too late for me, it’s too late for us. Now everywhere I look, all the things your eyes would paint before, the diamond sky, the galaxies beyond, the flowers in the garden, they all mirror you. You have tainted my existence and I’m only glad I haven’t tarnished yours as I have mine."